Mental Health and Self-Talk

Earlier this week, I was talking with a friend and somehow we got on the subject of her old job. She was telling me about one former co-worker, in particular, that would always pick on her. This woman was someone who wore long skirts and always went to church, but she was the meanest person my friend had to deal with at this job. She was always teasing my friend for her looks and anything else she could think of to get under my friend's skin. It got me thinking about not only how we let others talk to us, but also how we talk to ourselves.

I know a few weeks ago I was talking about Self-Care, but one thing that I realized I left out was Self-Talk. How we talk to ourselves and how we allow others to speak to us can have a huge impact on our mental health. This is something that I have struggled with for years, and I know that I am not alone. It can be hard to stand up for yourself when someone else is talking badly to you, but it can be even harder when those words are coming from your own brain. So what can we do to stop poor self-talk?

Just like you would stand up to a bully, you sometimes have to stand up to yourself. I know that sounds a little weird, but let me explain. Think of that little negative voice in your head as a separate person. Separating yourself from that negative voice can make it easier to quiet it. Personally, I like to think of it as an ugly monster. Would you let an ugly monster follow you around all day? Or would you try to get rid of it any way you could?

Most of us would try to get rid of it. So how do you get rid of negative self-talk? Replace it with something more positive. I know that this might sound like just saying happy and positive things to yourself all day long, but it doesn't have to look like that. Everyone messes up and makes mistakes, we're human, it's what we do. But what if, instead of berating yourself for a mistake, you spoke to yourself like a small child? What would you do if a toddler was trying something new and failed? Would you call them a failure and stupid? I hope not. So why would you say that to yourself?

Does it sound silly? Maybe a little, but it works. You don't have to change your self-talk from "I'm so stupid, I'll never get this" to "I'm amazing and I can do anything". Sometimes just something as simple as reminding yourself, "I'm trying something new and it's ok to not get it perfect every single time" is enough. You don't have to do a complete 180 with your thinking, that's unrealistic. Maybe even just try a few neutral comments. Start small. You don't have to figure it all out right away. Some things might work better for you than others. Do some trial and error to figure it out. You might mess up, but just know that everyone messes up when they try something new.

The same goes for how you allow others to speak to you. Just like my friend, having someone constantly putting you down and teasing you can take a real toll on your mental health. Sometimes, the best way to get them to stop is to simply avoid that person. If that is not possible, tell someone in authority about what is going on and get some help handling the situation. As someone who hates confrontation, I hate being told to just stand up for myself. And that's okay. If you don't feel like you can stand up for yourself, ask for help from someone you trust.

The words that you hear on a regular basis, whether from other people or in your head, have a huge impact on you and your mental health. Be kind to yourself and try to surround yourself with positive people. Get help when you need it. Whether that is going to someone else to help you deal with a bully or going to a therapist to help you with your self-talk. You deserve to be spoken to with love and kindness by everyone, including yourself.